Why this blog? The relatively short answer comes from a little about the path I took to get here, which I also hope helps you gauge how seriously to take what I write. Underlying the path is one thing I continue to observe about myself — a very low tolerance for bullshit. I have tried to find smoother and more professional synonyms for BS, but have so far been unsuccessful. I have spent the last 25 years involved in scientific research – first as a graduate student in biological sciences and then as a statistician (after a lot more school!). The motivation for my writing lies in the questions that come up for me about my own work, education, teaching, and habits of thinking – and of course, related questions that come up from my interactions with others from various scientific backgrounds.
Since actively starting this blog and webpage over a year ago, life has offered some big surprises and my day-to-day routine has gone through many shifts. I added a ‘Consulting’ page to this webpage to reflect the type of paid work I am now doing or looking to do – in trying to make a go at working independently, continuing to write, and spending energy on projects that better align with my strengths and passions than I previously found in more traditional statistician roles. As I have taken on more work and more professional volunteer activities (such as editor of this International Statistical Institute sponsored blog), the time I have been able to devote to this blog has taken a serious toll – not surprisingly. I am appreciative of the work, and the time I have spent with my kids and my dog, but hope to up the priority of the blog in the coming year.
The below description is the original ‘About’ for this blog and I’m keeping it for now. It still gives some of the story of how I got here, even if I might describe some things a little differently now. Things change, and so do our interpretations of the past.
My PhD and most of my professional experience is in Statistics — that’s just plain Statistics, not data science, or fill-in-the-blank analytics, or any of the newer, shinier professional labels. There’s already a lot behind the word Statistics, and I think it’s worth delving into it given how much we decide to rely on it in Science and decision making on a daily basis. Hence, this blog.
I am just a scientist at heart. I loved science from early on in school, and like many kids who show promise in science, the idea to go to medical school was provided early and often. I went through most of my undergraduate experience believing this was the route I would take until some serious reflection early in my senior year. My favorite classes, however, were logic and the two philosophy courses I took. My path then became a choice between ecology and biomechanics — and I chose biomechanics. This led me to a master’s in Kinesiology studying more motor control than biomechanics, which quickly led me into a doctoral program in Motor Control (studying how the brain controls movement). It didn’t take long for me to realize that I didn’t have the attention span to work in a lab day in and day out on the same type of projects — and more importantly I gravitated toward thinking about how we were doing research. Why were we doing it as we were and did it really reflect important work from philosophy of science and research methods? Why the heavy reliance on statistical summaries and the short cuts? At that point, I had taken only a one semester course in Statistics that was very traditional — my main memory is using a calculator to crunch a bunch of numbers “by hand” and turn out automatic answers to simple and contrived questions. I didn’t know enough to know why I was feeling uncomfortable, but there was something there I couldn’t ignore. I wanted to change my path and really understand statistical inference and research methods — and possibly spend a career collaborating with scientists across disciplines. I left that doctoral program only a year in and the next year started a master’s in Statistics at Oregon State University, which seven years later ended in a PhD in Statistics from Colorado State University. I then headed straight into a tenure-track job as an Assistant Professor of Statistics and stayed there for 8 years, through tenure and promotion to Associate Professor.
Over those 15 years, that uncomfortable feeling I first felt in my original doctoral studies turned into a frustration around the ways we use and teach statistical inference. Instead of subsiding, it continued to morph and grow. I was able to keep it corralled for some time, for the sake of having a career and supporting a family financially. At some point, and I’m not even sure exactly when it was, it started to feel unbearable. I could push it down for an hour or two, but it followed me around and wouldn’t let me be. I did my best to use the motivation from it to incorporate new ideas into my teaching and collaborations with researchers across disciplines — and while there were many small successes, the weight of the system I would always be fighting against seemed impossible to lift. I could no longer find a way to healthily carry it around with me while continuing in my career trajectory — it was always there riding on my back and making my work life very, very heavy, which of course filtered into my non work-life. It came to feel like I had to constantly compromise my values, at least a little, in order to do my job. More on this in future blog posts.
At some point, I couldn’t separate the unbearable feeling from the other difficult aspects of academia — I had really never lived or worked anywhere else. So, a logical next step seemed to be to stay a statistician, but try it outside of academia. Environmental work always held a passion for me and I gave it a try for an environmental consulting company. I didn’t completely leave the academic world behind — staying on student committees and collaborating with researchers, but it was a new day-to-day and new scientific problems to focus on. The excitement “new” and the learning that went along with it was enough for about 6 months, but the unbearable feeling started to grow in intensity again. All the same issues and triggers were there — they were dressed a little differently, but still so in my face that I couldn’t ignore them. I finally let myself really sink into the reality that I was not going to get any work fulfillment by being an applied statistician in the way I was expected to be one. Period. But, I was stuck with financial responsibilities to a family and no reasonable path out.
To move in some direction, I took on what was supposed to be a short-term position directing an academic statistical consulting group that I had put a lot of time and energy into starting when I was a faculty member. I threw myself into the managing aspects of the position and the supervising and mentoring of graduate students, but it was impossible to do the job without running into the unbearable feeling on a daily basis. Coupled with academic politics and posturing, I came to feel that I was compromising my professional ethics on a daily basis — making the unbearable feeling grow to where it was always in my vision and not letting me sleep at night. In that year and a half, I learned an incredible amount that I am grateful for — about research in human health related fields, about academic politics, and about humans and their relationships in general. I tried to find a place for myself within academia where I could contribute to research, stay aligned with my values, and start to build momentum with the work I am really passionate about. It became clear this was not going to happen where I was.
I left academia again — this time with no next job lined up. (I am thankful to my family for taking a risk with me.) This blog and the forming of Critical Inference LLC are the first big steps forward. A place to finally channel my professional energy in the direction it has been wanting to go for nearly 20 years. This blog will not be about doing statistics or data analysis, it will be about reflecting on how and why we, as a society and culture, tend to use statistical methods and results in Science and decision making. It’s time to take a hard look at the mistakes we might be making — as uncomfortable as that is.
I do not feel ready to start this blog, but now realize I never will. There is so much to learn, so much to read, and so much to think carefully through. At some point I have to be willing to share my thoughts and my ideas publicly, even if they do not yet feel fully formed and I so much unfinished work to do. I do know enough to know there is so much I do not know — but I am finally acknowledging that is not a good enough reason to keep quiet. Our thoughts and ideas are always relative to our experiences and limited by what we have (and have not) been exposed to. The point is learning.